Disneyland Trip Assistance

Do you still have a nagging feeling that you'd kind of like to go to Disneyland? Got a spouse, significant other, or family member who isn't convinced you shouldn't go? Consider the following discouraging facts:

• Disneyland is crowded. When it's not crowded, it's incredibly crowded. When it's not crowded or incredibly crowded, it's either raining or closed.
• A trip to Disneyland can be fatal. Just the number of people who have killed themselves after (or while) riding "it's a small world" stretches into the triple digits. And if you die at Disneyland, it's likely nobody will ever know about it because park management will smuggle your body out and dump it in a dry wash somewhere so that there is no bad publicity. Or so we've heard.
• Disneyland is a symbol of greed. Where else can you buy "happiness," albeit in a sickly sweet, pasted-on-smile form? Do you really want your children falling victim to this overindulgent monument to consumerism and corporate America?
• At Disneyland, everyone is equal, everyone has the same opportunities, and everyone is practically ordered to have fun. Is this fascism? Communism? Just plain fanaticism? In any case, do you need any more of that in your life?
• Most of the non-executive jobs at Disneyland have pay rates that are just pathetic. Wouldn't you feel guilty if your kids fell so in love with the place that they wanted to work there some day and ended up living in a tiny apartment with a roommate they hate for the rest of their lives because they have no money?
• Have you got fond memories of Disneyland? Well, forget them. If you haven't been to the park recently, you'll find it very different from the Disneyland you adored as a child. It's all full of "thrill" rides that you can't go on (or wouldn't want to go on) as a family, all the quaint shops on Main Street are now Disney merchandise outlets, the Enchanted Tiki Room show has been edited, and Adventure Thru Inner Space is gone. Very disappointing. And if you last visited as a child, everything will seem smaller now.
• Somewhere along the line Tomorrowland got completely screwed up.
• Feel like visiting Disney's California Adventure for the first time? Do a Google search for "DCA sucks" and read everything you find. That should cure you.
• The characters are just people in suits. Get over it.